Today, like every other day,
we wake up empty and frightened.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading.
Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
Today is a good day. Last night was the concerto competition I've been stressing over for about a semester. Stressing for several reasons: 1) I've overloaded myself (something I won't do again if I can help it) and haven't been able to devote the time I would have liked to the piece I was playing, 2) I know I'm not competitve in the classical flute department, and it's hard for me to admit that I do WANT it, I'm just not sure I can get it, 3) this has been a rough semester on several levels, not the least of which is emotionally, and it's been hard to get my head in the game, 4) for about a semester now, I haven't been able to find my happiness with classical flute--I play and I get frustrated, but I couldn't find the joy in it, and joy with the music is what will get you through the tough times. So I competed yesterday, and I didn't "win" (these are only preliminaries, so you just advance), but I did what a musician was supposed to do: I affected my audience. I played two movements from the Rouse Concerto for Flute and Orchestra, the first being the Scherzo and the second the Amhran (gaelic for song). Now the technique just wasn't there on the Scherzo.....but I hit the Amhran. It's one of those moments, where you're having this profound dialogue with the audience, and you realize as you end the movement and hold the moment, that everyone's with you. That matters. That's joyful. It made me want to play classical flute again. Last night, I rediscovered a way to kneel and kiss the ground. And it was glorious.