In the midst of Fulbright craziness, and coursework, and thesis stuff, and trying to figure out what the hell to do next year, I (for some stupid reason), have taken up looking at the SEM job-postings. Did anyone else ever do this in Grad School?
While it makes me happy to look at the postings and think, God that would be a fun job, about almost every single listing that I read, I have trouble convincing myself that it will ever happen. I can't imagine actually having a job, and a house, and a family, and a dog/cat......all of which I desperately want. I also can't ever actually imagine getting to the level of scholarship/performance that I want to. I know I'm getting better. I can do things now that I couldn't even dream of doing three years ago, but then you go in and you can't sing a freaking bass part.
I think grad school is rife with frustration and questioning. That's part of what makes it so hard, and it's also why you look at a lot of your professors and think, "Dear God, when do they pass out the super powers? Are they in the doctoral hood?"
I've also had the uncomfortable feeling of sitting down in front of my computer and thinking.....I don't know ANYTHING.
Or as the Russians would put it:
Yanis nayu, nichivoh, nicagdah.
I know nothing, nowhere, nohow.
Wow, long babble session, all basically to say--I want it (house/job/family/dog), but I'm beginning to wonder if it'll ever happen. Off to work on more school stuff.
Peace, Love, and Tunes,