Soooooo, everything's due NOW. Apologies all around for the absence, however all you're gonna get right now is a meme.

LAYER ONE:
* Name: Mac
* Birthday: September 12--Big freaking Virgo
* Birthplace: Alabama
* Current location: Flat Dry Place
* Eye color: brown
* Hair color: brown
* Height: 5'5"-ish
* Righty or lefty: righty
* Zodiac sign: Double Virgo

LAYER TWO:
* Your heritage: Normal British Isles mutt
* The shoes you wore today: tennis shoes
* Your weakness: coffee
* Your fears: quite a few actually, the only one I'll admit to now is a fear of heights
* Your perfect pizza: Mellow Mushroom pizza (it's something to do with the dough) with portabello mushrooms, mozarella cheese, olive oil base, spinach, feta, and jalapenos for a kick
* Goals you’d like to achieve: write a book, release a trad cd and a cd of original songs, get a job, pay off my debt

LAYER THREE:
* Your most overused phrase on AIM: ummmmm.....I don't do the AIM thing
* Your first waking thoughts: coffee
* Your best physical feature: wow.....ummmm, eyes?
* Your most missed memory: mostly memories of my Mom

LAYER FOUR:
* Pepsi or Coke: neither, water, tea, coffee, or orangina
* McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald's
* Single or group dates: single.
* Adidas or Nike: Adidas, nike is evil
* Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: loose leaf, actually
* Chocolate or vanilla: dark chocolate
* Cappuccino or coffee: coffee

Peace, Love, and Tunes,

Mac.

Wow....so panic attacks, not so much fun.

Found out that if I want any financial aid, my PhD applications have to be in by Dec. 1. Now, I am queen of forms......but what I'm more than a little terrified about is the writing sample part of every application. It's one of those ultra nightmarish situations for me, right up there with taking a Geometry test that is suddenly in some alien language. And the scary part of the whole process isn't so much not getting in (ok, there's a little fear there....but not a lot), the truly scary part is having every school say, "Yes, please come, but we have no money for you."

As my roommate pointed out to me, you're also applying to FPU, so theoretically you should get in there. And what's the worst that could happen, you stick around at FPU, do some fieldwork get some more skills or get a full time job for awhile. Life's not over. However, as I've pointed out several times to several different people, the problem with fear is the it isn't rational. It's full of thoughts about completely tanking everything, and then living in a cardboard box for the rest of your life.

And there's alternatively the thoughts that I got so incredibly lucky with my choice at FPU. I'm afraid I used up my grad school selection karma on my Master's degrees. I've heard horror stories, and grad school is tough enough without assholes in charge of your committee trying to screw you over.

So all of that's floating around in my head, while I'm trying to finish everything up for the semester (including all of these damn applications), and unfortunately nothing's gonna fix it except to put everything in and see what happens.

Peace, Love, and Tunes,

Mac.

So, quick hit between working on the thesis. I managed to get ahead in a few of my classes, so panic mode has been averted at least today.

Last week was both amazing and disheartening.

We have a new president, one that I feel I can support, and one that I think will bring about changes that are desperately needed in this country. Also, it's amazing to me that we live in a country where every four years we get a chance to peacefully overthrow the government. It fills me with pride every time it happens.

We also have an amendment to California's constitution which will deny the right of marriage to same-sex couples. From the Wikipedia article: "The official ballot title language for Proposition 8 is 'Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry.' The entirety of the text to be added to the constitution is: 'Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.'" One day I hope to live in a country that doesn't legalize discrimination.......unfortunately, it's not today.

Sooooo many applications to deal with for Grad School. I'm also looking at retaking the GRE as my first scores were not great, and I feel like I might do better if I retook them. The problem? Time and money.

Anyway, I need to get back to thesis land.

Peace, Love, and Tunes,

Mac.

Just Vote.

Big weekend here at FPU.....Halloween, followed by massive football game. I am pleasantly surprised, however, by the level of sanity at one of the local coffee shops--my particular favorite, as I can get food with substance, a massive cup of coffee, and a water all for under $5 with good wifi and usually fairly quiet. Big weekend next weekend for most of the Musicology faculty as AMS gathering is afoot in Nashville. I am seriously looking forward to some time to get stuff done and off my desk.

As it is now a new month, I get to buy books.....ok book--singular. I was talking to Dharmonia, and I mentioned that part of my monthly budget is a book budget. Like most things, building a good library should a little bit every now and then.....with the occasional splurge if you're in some place like Hay-on-Wye. Basically I have a list of mostly scholarly books (like my own personal made-up master's reading list) and whenever the new month rolls around I get to buy one, and with Bookfinder I can occasionally get more than one because I find really cheap used books. So basically I'm sitting in the coffee shop trying to figure out what I want to get, that stays within budget. A note to new grad students out there......one of the things I have seriously discovered about living on a TA's stipend is that the budget is king....it takes the guess work out of what to spend money on. Anyway, that's a different post entirely.

I always feel slightly indulgent when I buy things like books or music. It makes no sense, because as a music scholar, I need new music and books to read on a regular basis.....and I won't necessarily always have a wonderful academic library, with wonderful ILL librarians to be associated with. So I'm buying stuff I need, but that I also want.....hence the indulgent feeling.

Not doing well this week on my time for myself (see previous post). I can always tell when I need to take a day or so off, when I wake up and it takes some serious convincing to get me out of bed. The inner dialogue that ensues involves me trying to convince myself that if I can just make it to the weekend, I can sleep without an alarm, but right now, today I have to get up and do stuff.

Also looking at PhD programs, which makes me both really excited and really freaked out at the same time. The one thought that continually surfaces in my head is, "We're doing this now, aren't we?" Mainly looking at the University of Michigan and the University of Oregon right now, but I popped over to NYU's site and it looks amazing. But I can't see a way that I would be able to afford New York.....in fact, one of the major benefits of attending FPU is the low cost of living. Who knows, maybe I'll apply and see what happens.

Lots of stuff to do, so I need to be productive now.

Peace, Love, and Tunes,

Mac.