My computer has started to die yet again. I think it's time for a new computer. I've bought a new battery to see if that might help fix it, but I'm still fairly dubious.
Fulbright interviews were intense, but went well. Now I rewrite everything, and on Tuesday I let it go. I don't know if you've guys have noticed, but I don't do really well with things I can't control. The idea of not being able to control whether or I go to Ireland next year doesn't sit well with me. Even more, the fact the I won't know anything until I'm packing up to move somewhere else (where or if....also no clue) also doesn't feel great either.
It's hard for anyone to surrender things to the universe, but I have particular problems with it. I guess it's something to work on.
This year feels different. Last year I started to accept some of the changes in my identity. In particular, I took a step back from being the "classical flutist." It was hard. I had been that person in one way or another for a good decade or so. I was comfortable with that label. This year, the labels I identify with most comfortable are ethnomusicologist, musicologist, early musician, and traditional musician. This summer immersed me in all of those contexts, and I came out believing in my ability to do all of those things. This year feels different because I came out of this summer with a clearer understanding of what I'm able to do and what I want to do, and I'm comfortable with most of the labels floating around in my head (even though they are just labels).
I guess that's the best thing about FPU, I'm starting (trying) to become more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not all the way there yet (are we ever completely comfortable with who we are, with the labels and categories people put us in.....and the prejudices that come with each of those categories......wow, that's an entirely different post), but life is a work in progress anyway, right?
Peace, Love, and Tunes,