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Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Struggling to get things done
My thesis does not have to be the great American novel.....it also doesn't have to be the best thing since Burkholder, Kubik, or Evans.

In fact some have argued (to me) that a Master's thesis is actually just about proving that you can take on a large scale research project and get it finished.

However that is not what it feels like. I want it to be an amazing piece of scholarship.....and every time I sit down to right, all that comes out feels like mediocre garbage. I am trying not to censor myself (ie stop myself before it gets on the page), but it feels as if I have a rambling stream-of-consciousness monstrosity that will take forever to turn into a coherent piece of scholarship.

I also must remember that the worst that will happen if I fail (I've had some serious failure dreams in the past few weeks), is that I will not have a degree and I will have to try again. I will not die and everyone will not hate me. However, it's hard to convince yourself of that when you've got so much (money, time, future) invested in the outcome.

Also, I have forgotten how hard it is to get someone in rural MS to call you back on time. When you're just keeping up with your contacts, you're not worried about a time deadline. So I'm staying here for the rest of Spring Break with the goal of finishing all of my papers for the semester along with getting more stuff written on the thesis and hoping I get a call back from MS sometime soon to arrange some more interviews.

Deep breath.

In positive news....I have glasses and I can SEE again!!! I had not realized how blurry my distance vision had gotten until I put them on today. I will now actually be able to read what is on the board/powerpoint projections in class!

Anyway, happy St. Patrick's day to you all (drink some proper Irish tea and eat some soda bread!)!

Peace, Love, and Tunes,

posted by Mac Tíre at 5:07 PM ¤ Permalink ¤


  • At 8:39 PM, Blogger Seeker

    I COMPLETELY understand and relate to this post. About getting people to call you back AND about the evil internal editor monster. Just remember, the people who are giving you feedback are able to judge your work much more objectively. Which is why you trust them to give you feedback in the first place. So believe them :)

    Not having read it, but knowing you, I'm sure it's much better than you think :) Also, I'd love to read the end result of your blues and fife work, since I only previously heard a little snippet during your conference presentation...

  • At 8:45 AM, Blogger wheekycavy

    Agreeing with Seeker, I really think that you tend to not give yourself enough credit where it is due. I've never heard any bit of scholarship from you, my dear, that you shouldn't be proud of. You are a perfectly capable and competent human being, student, and teacher, and probably your own worst critic.